Written by Marisa DeMarco
“Think of me, but not too much.”
What does that even mean?
I thought to myself with a growing cold-sweat-anxiety. Mustering up the
courage, I asked him to explain. He didn’t truly understand it either
and was at a loss for words. A week later he timidly asked, “Do you
think of me?” “Yes, always,” I replied. We both smiled, but with a
shared level of uncertainty.
In the most unexpected way, someone is placed on your path. The resonance is very clear that there
is something important to discover together. But what happens when the
both of you are unsettled within yourselves? Two minds, two different
ways of seeing, timing and life experience all play a crucial role into
the development of this "contract of the soul" you have made together.
Perhaps… long before you ever met your soul mate. Yet the resistance is so strong because the mere thought
of giving into something or someone on such an unconditional level is
daunting. Knowing that this will change you forever can be both exciting
and terrifying.
We enter this world and depart from it alone. But in the meantime, relationships and encounters with
others shape our experiences; both internally and externally. I
recently spent a beautiful fall Monday morning in a small mountain
village outside of Rome. I had the honor of meeting a loving couple.
Lino, 88 years old and Maria, 78, continue to work their land together —
side by side. He harvests their produce and she prepares their meals
with care. I observed their admiration and could see the shared respect
they had for one another. They briefly shared their life story with me
and Lino placed his hands on my shoulders — telling me to listen to his
advice. I was eager to learn from him as his sparkling blue eyes
revealed great depth. “In life, we need someone to lean on. My wife and I
have raised our children and our grandchildren. But it’s the comfort we
find in each other. I know my wife is always there for me and I am
there for her. Why live life alone when you can share it with someone
and benefit from each other’s support?” I thanked him and let him know
that I would never forget the kindness of his heart. Ever since, I have
been contemplating his words and am most impressed by their level of
unwavering commitment for the life that they have created together.
From a global perspective, the technological age that we live in allows us to share with others through
social media in the blink of an eye or click of a mouse. It’s the need
to connect, feel that someone is close by, cares, is listening to what
you think is relevant at that time. But also it stems from the fear of
perhaps being alone in your thoughts for too long. Face to face
gestures, sounds of voices, and touch present a whole new level of
interpersonal exchange. But a new issue arises. How much of ourselves do
we actually want to reveal to another? Moreover, how much of ourselves
are we willing to accept and reveal inwardly? It’s finding the balance
of wanting to create with another, but first having to authentically
remove the walls; brick by brick or through heavy demolition.
Nowadays, we have many choices — at times too many whether it be with various partners, job possibilities,
studies, or simply choosing a book to read, a playlist to listen to, or
a dinner entrée while dining out. We’ve also become accustomed to
keeping one foot in while having the other foot out. This ensures that
when we want to venture into something new, we can without rejection,
making a commitment and taking responsibility. With all of these choices
however comes just as many decisions — weighing them out and over
analyzing them. At times, we reach success and sometimes we have to face
the consequences.
Once we can overcome the fear of failure, letting go of unrealistic expectations, and releasing self imposed and external pressure, we can become more familiar with who we are as individuals.